Building Trust Without Control | Anew Mirror Blog
My Story
I was so confused that I thought I had to be a hero — like a character — for everyone I thought was making a mistake. I would people-please until I wasn’t even real to myself. I didn’t know what I liked or what I didn’t like. I was a control freak to the maximum capacity. I mistrusted everyone. And I had the ability to be so internally mean to myself — in NVC, they call that internal violence.
But my quest to be more real led me into a lot of reading, theory, and practice. And now, I can look back and notice how much energy I was spending — not just on others, but on defending something I wasn’t even sure I wanted. I confided in people who weren’t rooting for me. Maybe they liked having a hero around. Even temporarily.
Protection through acts of aggression
You lash out to hide hurt. Rage becomes your shield.
💢🔥🚬🧱😡
Feelings: fury, defense, deep pain under the surface
What you might long for: to be heard without needing to shout
➡️ Step for today: Write what you wanted someone to hear — even if they never read it.
🦖 If it turns into a novela, let it. At least you’re not texting it at 2am this time.
Protection by controlling others
If you can manage people, maybe they won’t hurt or abandon you.
📋🎮👁️🧠🤖
Feelings: anxiety, mistrust, panic-control
What you might long for: trust that doesn’t require domination
➡️ Step for today: Let someone handle something their way — even if it’s messy.
🧃 Warning: watching someone load the dishwasher “wrong” may cause internal screams.
Protection by pleasing others
You disappear into “yes.” You make others happy so they won’t reject you.
🎭🙋🍰🤐💐
Feelings: invisible, anxious, resentful
What you might long for: to be loved as you are, not for what you give
➡️ Step for today: Say no to one thing that doesn’t feel right — even if it’s small.
🪅 Sí, your ancestors will feel it in their bones, but you’ll survive.
Protection by being “heroic”
You try to save others to feel worthy. You fix, rescue, and sacrifice.
🦸♀️🩹💪📦😔
Feelings: exhaustion, martyrdom, unacknowledged needs
What you might long for: love without needing to earn it
➡️ Step for today: Ask yourself what you need — and give yourself five minutes of that.
🧯 If you feel like you need to submit a rescue résumé before resting, that’s la herida talking.
Some of us needed armor. And some of it is still with us.
That doesn’t make us broken — just practiced.
🥣
Because Your Spirit Didn’t Come Here to Settle.
Because Your Spirit Didn’t Come Here to Settle.
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